The past week or so has been kind of difficult for me. On the path to recovering from Katherine leaving me, my emotional state is a lot more vulnerable than would normally be the case. It doesn’t take much for me to start to spiral back into a depressive episode. Fortunately, that no longer means alcohol, but it still means a lack of appetite or ability to get things done, an empty feeling in the middle of my chest that nothing can assuage.
And the past few weeks have been doing their darndest to keep me down. My oldest sister and I are no longer are on speaking terms because of decisions she has made and decisions I have made to protect myself from further harm. Then, I was broken up with because of my sister, though indirectly. And then I was stood up the very next day. Being an idiot, I agreed to something after being stood up that caused me to feel very shallow and empty.
Any one of these on their own wouldn’t be that difficult of a thing to put behind me and overcome, but all together and in quick succession, and in the already vulnerable state of early post-separation, it has been difficult to pull myself out of this miasma of self-doubt and depression. Add to this the ever present stress of unemployment and financial insecurity, and it’s a miracle I’ve kept it together as well as I have.
This year has really done a number on me. 2016 was the year of the world going to shit. 2017 is the year where all of that gets personal. I guess that’s what I get for tempting fate and getting married on New Years Day.