The past week or so has been kind of difficult for me. On the path to recovering from Katherine leaving me, my emotional state is a lot more vulnerable than would normally be the case. It doesn’t take much for me to start to spiral back into a depressive episode. Fortunately, that no longer means alcohol, but it still means a lack of appetite or ability to get things done, an empty feeling in the middle of my chest that nothing can assuage.
And the past few weeks have been doing their darndest to keep me down. My oldest sister and I are no longer are on speaking terms because of decisions she has made and decisions I have made to protect myself from further harm. Then, I was broken up with because of my sister, though indirectly. And then I was stood up the very next day. Being an idiot, I agreed to something after being stood up that caused me to feel very shallow and empty.
Any one of these on their own wouldn’t be that difficult of a thing to put behind me and overcome, but all together and in quick succession, and in the already vulnerable state of early post-separation, it has been difficult to pull myself out of this miasma of self-doubt and depression. Add to this the ever present stress of unemployment and financial insecurity, and it’s a miracle I’ve kept it together as well as I have.
This year has really done a number on me. 2016 was the year of the world going to shit. 2017 is the year where all of that gets personal. I guess that’s what I get for tempting fate and getting married on New Years Day.
“When an opportunity to escape presents itself, Joknal must decide whether he will turn his back on Moira, or abandon his family.”
Chapter Three of The Pit and Its Champion is now available. Read it, and other stories, on The Shelf.
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The story continues, as Joknal and Moira leave the prison, now under the harsh control of Sivak, a cruel slaver. Where is he taking them? And how can it be worse than the fate they have just escaped?
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Chapter Two of The Pit and Its Champion will be released on February 17th!
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C. Michael Chase
Over a month since my last post. Deplorable behavior, but I must plead extenuating circumstances.
UPS’s busy season is condensed into a four to five week period of stress, sleeplessness, and muscle soreness. I’m convinced that holiday cheer is only possible because the negativity migrates to the shipping companies, leaving less bad moods and greater happiness for the general population. We elves suffer for your enjoyment. And they say Christmas is the season of giving… Bah Humbug!
Anyway. It’s a new year, and while I hate making New Year’s resolutions to appease the social convention, I have no problem resolving to do better. So, a short list of things I plan to do or do better in 2016:
- Write more. I have story ideas to drown a boat (How does one drown a boat with ideas?), but they aren’t going to go anywhere unless I actually write them. So I resolve to write for at least two hours a day, five days a week. Juggling a job, a family, and other obligations will surely make this a challenge. Who needs sleep? Sleep is for the weak and infirm (*dying inside*)
- Get published. I want to finish and polish one piece of writing enough to convince someone that it’s worth some money. Short story, manuscript, compendium, encyclopedia, I don’t care. But hopefully something that will lead to more work in the future.
- Explore more of the wider world of martial arts. I have a moderate knowledge of Tai Chi, enough to be a fledgling teacher myself, and a passing knowledge of aikido, but I want to continue the pursuit of discipline through martial study with a fervor.
That’s the major stuff. Anything else would be your garden variety ‘eat better’ and ‘exercise more’ that I always intend to do but haven’t gotten around to. I’ll of course continue to work on those things, but I think a resolution is more of a course correction. A promise to oneself to focus on a new direction.
2016, let’s be friends, okay? I don’t like it when we fight… I always lose.
C. Michael Chase
September 14th, 2015
So… I haven’t been around for a bit. I’d like to say that I was dealing with some things, or was really busy being awesome. But no, I was really just suffering from a terrible case of writer’s block exacerbated by an apathy that I still can’t explain. I really didn’t want to do anything productive. Well, I did want to, but the ergs just plain weren’t there.
And when I did force myself to open a word document, I couldn’t write more than a few sentences before I deleted them and started over. Over, and over, and over, and over again. Blog posts, comic scripts, short stories, story boarding, all of it. I just couldn’t get my brain to let the words come out. Doing more than talking through an idea was a monumentally epic task that I just wasn’t up for.
And so here I am. Usually I try to bring these things to some kind of point. Say something about life, writing, the universe, etc. But today, I just don’t have it in me. I’m going to keep trying, but today, all I have is this rambling apology. Don’t worry, I’m still here, and I’m still writing, but I need a little break. I’ll keep you guys updated.